Miss Crys A Lot

I mean, not really. I don't really cry a lot. In fact, I haven't cried in nearly 2 weeks. But I haven't talked to Joe since before Christmas. Its been too long. I know hes having so much fun. And I am having a relaxing break, filled with resume revisions and finding jobs. Its actually coming along. But, I am starting to have that sinking feeling in my stomach, and its getting harder to breath. I think of him and I wonder why I haven't gotten an email. I know hes in a country where most people live in shacks. However, I would have thought he'd have gone to an internet cafe before now. And I'll probably be mad at myself when he comes back and says he was around computers all the time and he just forgot. I'll be mad because I have dreams that I am marrying some random person because we didn't work out. Or that I'm dating someone and forget that I'm dating him. I wake up and I'm sad. Because it all feels wrong. I feel wrong having those dreams and I feel like I shouldn't be waiting for an email. I guess its not me. It IS me, however, to wonder and wish and wait and hope. Gahhh. Also, I was able to pay my rent this time around. I no longer have Christmas money, but I guess this is what it is like being an adult. Its coming....adulthood. I can do whatever I want in a matter of months. No one can tell me anything. Thats just strange.