I guess the internet wasn't working....

I had him and then I didn't. Its been good though, being able to receive emails and occasionally talk to Joe. I think I've been handling this very well. I'm sort of surprised. I thought I'd be a big ol' mumbling mess. I'm very used to having him at my side, but I sort of feel his presence, even when hes not here with me physically.

I am especially sick today. Runny nose. Deep voice. Puffy face. Mom was a bit snippy with me; she was taking the christmas decorations down and she didn't ask me to help her, but she was very short with me when I tried to talk to her. So eventually, I got up and started helping. And she started acting normal again.

I realized today how much I am like my mother. And my aunt.
I will present the evidence now.

Exhibit A
My aunt tells my uncle what to do all the time. My mother tells me what to do and when constantly. And my dad. And my brothers. She asks me to pick up things and put them away when they are right beside her. She could extend her arm and pick them up. I realized that Joe is breaking me of my habit of asking him to do things all the time. Its wrong.

Exhibit B
I yell a lot. I have to work on that. Yelling doesn't solve anything, it just makes your throat hurt.

I'll think of more later. There are bound to be tons.

I hope I'll get to talk to Joe tonight (his morning).

We're almost together again :)

Miss Crys A Lot

I mean, not really. I don't really cry a lot. In fact, I haven't cried in nearly 2 weeks. But I haven't talked to Joe since before Christmas. Its been too long. I know hes having so much fun. And I am having a relaxing break, filled with resume revisions and finding jobs. Its actually coming along. But, I am starting to have that sinking feeling in my stomach, and its getting harder to breath. I think of him and I wonder why I haven't gotten an email. I know hes in a country where most people live in shacks. However, I would have thought he'd have gone to an internet cafe before now. And I'll probably be mad at myself when he comes back and says he was around computers all the time and he just forgot. I'll be mad because I have dreams that I am marrying some random person because we didn't work out. Or that I'm dating someone and forget that I'm dating him. I wake up and I'm sad. Because it all feels wrong. I feel wrong having those dreams and I feel like I shouldn't be waiting for an email. I guess its not me. It IS me, however, to wonder and wish and wait and hope. Gahhh. Also, I was able to pay my rent this time around. I no longer have Christmas money, but I guess this is what it is like being an adult. Its coming....adulthood. I can do whatever I want in a matter of months. No one can tell me anything. Thats just strange.

December 22

Ooooh the joys of Christmas Shopping. People are so silly. They just stroll around with no aim in mind, meanwhile Mom and I are trying to get last minute stuff done. I've started working out again (its been a while). I am exhausted. I think Seth is mad at me because I wanted to come home and go to sleep. I can't help it! I wake up at like 7:00 every morning that I am home. Can't wait til Christmas eve....I have so many great christmas gifts for people to open. The looks on their faces will be priceless. There isn't much else to say, just relaxing and thinking about Joe.

In my mind, I'm gone to Carolina...

Phew. I'm here. I ate some southern food, and snuggled down with my dawg for a nap this morning. Then, mom and I went to breakfast with Nana at a local grit and biscuit joint....of course, there was gossip about local townspeople and those two were watching every person that came in and out of the place. It was cute. I missed my Nana's southern drawl. Mom and I spent all day looking for clear plastic wrap with snowflakes on it so that she can wrap up peanut butter balls as gifts for her friends. Now, we're going to pick up my brothers from school, head home, do some baking, and then I'm hanging out with Seth and Spencer tonight. I hope I'll be able to get to a computer before Joe leaves...since I don't know if hes leaving in his morning or evening. But, either way, I hope I get to be mushy and gushy to him before he leaves. I love being mushy gushy now. Hope its pretty in Hong Kong. Love.

Twas the night before Crits-mas...

I can't believe its Monday night. I am actually really excited about Crits. I think I have a pretty good presentation ready, and my board should be cutesy-funny as usual. My outfit is made by my shoes, which I hope will win Boevers Shoe Contest (shoe pics to come later *hopefully*).

Today I returned a book to the library and made cool pictures on photoshop for my Crit Board. I also relived my childhood through classic Donald Duck Cartoons on YouTube (a pic is featured to your right on the screen). I learned how to take snapshots of my computer screen using mac keyboard shortcuts and was able to get all the images to the right (sans ones of Joe).

I made chocolate chip cookies and pasta with tomatoes for dinner. I showed Julie Cross how to play Grow Island on eyezmaze.com. She thinks the site may be her new fave for games. We were enthralled for about 45 minutes.

I'm leaving on Wednesday at 1:13 from Pittsburgh, should be getting to Charlotte later that day, and will be coming home to a yummy dinner! Can't wait for some cornbread and mac and cheese.

Ok, how about a poem?

If you would think for a moment
You'd realize that the pine cones
are
falling
from the hole in your roof.
Those two chaps really get the best of you
And they aren't that much smarter.
One with a black nose and one with red,
Their names reflect a certain country-bumpkin scene
A Chip and a Dale.
The Duck with a sailor suit
stranded on land.
Someone give the Donald a hand.

Well, that is that, nowhere is safe....

All soaped up, washed, and cleaned, I feel pretty refreshed. I had an odd day: woke up around 9:00 and watched Project Runway on youtube for 2 hours, then I began cleaning Joe's room. I finally got his clothes put away, and started packing for my journey home on Wednesday. It has been snowing since I woke up, and the wind kept slamming the door open and shut (I had the window open b/c it is SUPER hot in Joe's room).

I AM a little sad though. I made rice today, successfully, for the first time! However, I made enough just for me....apparently, the roommates at Joe's place didn't know that I have no more food....and they ate it! GAH! I was so looking forward to my egg and rice in the morning, and now, no more rice. Yeesh.

I watched an episode of Sex and the City that made me cry! It was the one where Charlotte reuniting with the love of her life. I realized how much I missed Joe, and how I should be less naggy and uptight. He makes me feel like I'm the only one that matters, and him being gone makes me realize how much I only want to have good times with him. We have wonderful times together, and I want that to only continue...forever.... :) Come what may, he is my best friend and I love him.

Just starting up

Seeing as how this is my last semester in college, I thought I'd chronicle how I was feeling. And, since my relationships will soon be at a distance when I make my journey to adulthood, wherever that may take me, I will be keeping notes on how I feel about my friends and lover. This last Christmas break is sure to be memorable, as this may be the last time my friends and I are in remotely the same place at once. I miss my boyfriend. And I'm sure he misses me. And this month will surely test how we feel. I am confident that we will meet back in Pittsburgh and still be as passionate for each other's company as we were when he left yesterday. I hope I enjoy every minute of this vacation, and can share some of my experiences with those who care. I'll write a little more after work.